sorry i haven't been up to date with you all. just been so busy...anyway, this edition of my blog as not funny, it's not quirky, it's not even the slightest bit happy. no, this blog as about loss, pain, and so many other things that i don't know where they begin or end, or if they end...this is about someone...that has my whole heart. someone that i love so much, there are no words to explain just how much. this is about a boy that's so close to me, at times it's like we're one. we can finish each others sentences, know how the other one feels before they say a word, things like that. and i've know known him for the better part of 5-6 years. which dose seem like a long time. but the years fly by when your having fun...and falling in love. but sadly, he's not my BF. so he really doesn't know how much i love him. but i'm rambling now so might as well get to the reason for posting this. due to reasons beyond his control...he has to drop out of school and go straight to collage...by the end of next month...i know he will be ok and only an hour away from me...but this feels like the end. this feels like farewell. i know i'll get over it...i just hope it's soon, so i'm not in too much pain. so...if someone could tell me, even if it's not true, that this is not the end, that i will still see him again, you would make the rest of my days. because i know other people will never know why i love him, but i don't care. that doesn't matter to me. because honestly, i'm not quite sure myself why or how i fell so hard and so fast for him. i just did. and though i feel pain now because of it, i'm not sorry for a single day that goes by that i thought of him, that i loved him, that just being around him is all i really need. and if this is goodbye, i pray i never know love again and that my heart just dies. i pray i become nothing more than a distant memory to him, so that when i do finally get over him, he won't come looking for me. i know all this is harsh and cold, but my heart is weak and fragile, and i can't bear not seeing him anymore. just please...someone tell me this is not the end, that this is only the beginning of something greater. because right now, i can't believe that...anyway, thanks for listening. [broken-hearted girl signing off]

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going mad...

   

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